6 Ways to Learn to Love Yourself

6 Ways to Learn to Love Yourself - HappyGirlLife

After publishing the post Learn to Love Yourself and Be Your Own Best Friend I received several emails from readers asking, “what are some ways that I can learn to love myself?”  So, in this post, I thought I would answer this question by sharing with you my 6 ways to learn to love yourself.

First of all, it’s important to understand that learning to love yourself takes time and a change of mindset.  You’re not just going to wake up tomorrow and instantly be 100% comfortable with being you.  You have to actively take steps toward changing your thoughts and intercepting negative self talk when it occurs.  You have to frequently stop yourself and ask, “have I been kind to myself today?”  Although it can be an intense and emotional process,  it’s completely worth the effort.

1. Trust yourself

Trust yourself and your decisions.  Don’t sit around second guessing yourself every time you come to a conclusion about something.  Don’t feel the need to always call your closest friend or mentor to help you form an opinion, or to confirm that you did or are going to do the right thing.  Trust that you know what’s best for yourself, and you are completely competent and capable of making the best decision possible.  Also, remind yourself that regardless of which decision you choose, you’re strong enough to handle all of the consequences, positive and negative.

2. Accept your flaws

Everyone has flaws – no one is perfect.  Accept your idiosyncrasies and individual characteristics.  Stop looking at the media and defining yourself based on society’s standards.  You were uniquely and wonderfully made, and your flaws, as annoying as they may be, play an important role in making you, YOU.

3. Stop comparing yourself to others

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”  When you stop playing the comparison game, you’ll free yourself of unnecessary stress.  You’ll stop making yourself feel inferior to others, and you’ll consider yourself an equal.  You’ll learn to appreciate your life and the people in it.  Which brings me to tip #4…

4. Have an attitude of gratitude

Be grateful for your blessings and be happy for others when they’re blessed.  Changing your mindset from that of envy and comparison, to contentment and graciousness will change your life.  You’ll start seeing the people and things in your life in a different way, and you’ll recognize just how good your life really is.  Read more about having an attitude of gratitude in my earlier post here.

5. Learn to understand your feelings

Become familiar with your feelings and the triggers that cause you to feel a certain way.  When you start to feel emotional, step back and ask yourself, “what is it about this situation that makes me feel this way.”  When I first started learning about my emotions, the minute I felt the feelings coming on, I would take out a sheet of paper and write down something like this:

Right now I am feeling (insert emotion) because (insert thing causing you to feel emotional).  

This practice helped me to better understand my emotional triggers, making it easier for me to accept my feelings and avoid letting my emotions control me. 

6. Be authentic

Give everyone around you the amazing honor of knowing the real you.  Be intentional and be confident.  Be genuine and be true to yourself.  Being your authentic self is essential to being able to love who you are unconditionally.  My sweet friend and former co-worker Maru writes about this very topic in this Huffington Post article, Living Without a Mask — 5 Days to Discover Your Authentic Self.  

Where are you in your journey of learning to love yourself?


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  • Reply
    March 10, 2016 at 5:42 am

    I absolutely love #4 – Have an attitude of gratitude! I think that’s so important, especially as it’s one of the most draining things ever, to meet people who seem ungrateful to the beautiful things around them! 🙂 I definitely think realising how lucky you are makes it easier to love yourself <3

  • Reply
    Sophie O'Reilly
    March 10, 2016 at 11:32 am

    It’s really important to have confidence and to believe in yourself, Everyone deserves to be happy.

  • Reply
    March 10, 2016 at 11:37 am

    Comparison is definitely the thief of joy. I have learned that most times, the people you are comparing yourself to don’t even have it together as well as you think they do. I like to remember that you are usually only seeing the best of other people.

  • Reply
    Liz Mays
    March 10, 2016 at 1:25 pm

    I really like the idea of writing down each of your emotions and what triggered them. I can see how that would be very helpful.

  • Reply
    Heather Lawrence
    March 10, 2016 at 3:01 pm

    The last one really speaks to me. I’m not sure if it’s because I am in my 40’s but honestly, life is too dang short to pretend to be something that I am not! You either like me or you don’t but this is the authentic real me..take it or leave it!

  • Reply
    Sharon Wong
    March 10, 2016 at 6:06 pm

    Thanks for these wonderful tips! I think it’s important to love ourselves, and be true to ourselves. I have had trouble in the past trying to feel confident about myself, and wished that I had this list to help me out. Hopefully it will inspire many people to be more content with themselves. 🙂

  • Reply
    Mimi "MimiCuteLips" Green
    March 10, 2016 at 6:48 pm

    Understanding my feelings is a tough one. I don’t think I realized it was an issue until I just read it. O_o

  • Reply
    March 10, 2016 at 7:23 pm

    I love this post. I wish I could go back in time and teach these things to my younger self.

  • Reply
    March 10, 2016 at 7:57 pm

    Sounds like you are really getting it all together!!! Learning yo love yourself is an amazing thing!!

  • Reply
    travel blogger
    March 10, 2016 at 11:03 pm

    Such a great list! My biggest issue is comparing myself to others. I have to remind myself that this is my journey, no one else’s, and I need to stop comparing my journey to others. We all have different lives to lead.

  • Reply
    March 11, 2016 at 12:59 pm

    I love the attitude of gratitude one. That is something I really need to work on more, and hopefully it will come to me sooner rather than later. I will work on it!

  • Reply
    Jasmine Watts
    March 13, 2016 at 1:27 am

    These are such wonderful tips!! Accepting flaws is really tough thing for me and I know its very bad!!

  • Reply
    Tiffany @ Daily Leisure
    March 13, 2016 at 7:27 pm

    This has always been hard for me. I’m a perfectionist, and see all the ways I can improve all the time. 🙁

  • Reply
    Francisca Ramos
    March 13, 2016 at 9:06 pm

    I agree accepting flaws is something people don’t do. It’s bad enough to have someone compare themselves to another person. If someone isn’t happy of themselves. They need to make changes for the better.

  • Reply
    March 14, 2016 at 7:16 pm

    Love this! Especially the one about being authentic!

  • Reply
    March 15, 2016 at 3:09 am

    Great tips we all have heard before but we need re-reminders. Stop comparing is a huge one!

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